a vision for becoming...
lumps of clay, God's vision for us, and being formed...
A note to the reader: Each month I share a bit about what God’s doing in my life. This looks like a rambling narrative of where I am with God, what I’m learning, where I’ve encountered Him, what I’m wondering about. The goal isn’t really to “teach” or share a lesson, but to invite you into my process, my relationship with God, to help you know me better and to hopefully help you explore possibilities for your own life with God. Here’s this month’s edition.
Last month I shared how God had been opening my eyes to the process of becoming who He made me to be through the image of a seed.
Something I didn’t share was a thought I had about the seeds clinging to their branches.
I wondered: If that seed knew what it was going to grow into, would it be more willing to be buried? If it knew what it had the potential to become, would it be more eager to let go and die to itself? If it had a vision for where it was headed, would it be more willing release it’s grip?
And then I wondered this about myself. If I knew who I was becoming, what I would grow into, would I be more willing to let go and trust God? If I had a vision for where I was headed, would I be more willing to go?
But that leaves the question: who am I becoming?
I felt the invitation to ask God for a vision of who I’m becoming and where I’m headed.
I’ve shared about my daily practice of asking God a question and listening for His response. This question (God, what’s your vision of who I’m becoming?) was one that I was eager to ask.
And so I asked. And I listened. And as words popped into my head, I wrote them down.
A gatherer of people.
An initiator.
Someone who is willing to face the hard because she sees the better way, the kingdom way, even if it’s counter-cultural.
Someone who wants to leverage and lift up the gifts of others, not needing all of the credit or to do it herself.
An includer.
A spacemaker.
A question asker, someone who probes beneath the surface, who gets to the deeper things.
I resisted most of these words. They didn’t feel true. Right away, my mind was filled with all the ways in my past that I have not been these things.
All the times I waited to be invited or included.
The times that I left others out. The times I avoided hard things.
The times I purposely kept conversation on the surface because it felt easier.
The times I resisted working in a group because I didn’t trust others to pull their weight or I wanted all of the credit.
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Years ago, when my ten-year old daughter was just a baby, I was part of a moms group at church. We had taken a spiritual gifts assessment and I felt a similar resistance to the results. What the test gave as my results felt inaccurate. I saw no evidence of it in my life.
But as I was processing this with God, the words “He calls things that are not as though they were” popped into my head. I had no idea what this meant or where these words came from, but they certainly weren’t from me.
I googled the words and found that they came from Romans 4:17, a verse I had never memorized and frankly didn’t have a memory of even reading. (Fun fact: this is the first time I can recall clearly hearing from God in a way that I can’t explain any other way)
In this verse, Paul is referring to how God called Abraham a father of many nations before he was even a father of one.
God has a vision for who we are becoming and He calls us that, even if we don’t see it yet.
These words were true for me ten years ago and they are true for me now.
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Earlier this month, I spent an entire week with Ephesians 2:10, particularly in the Amplified version:
For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].
What came to mind quickly, was an image I got years ago when reading this verse. The fact that in some versions it refers to us as a masterpiece, and in this one, a work of art, brought to mind the image of God as artist, and me as art.
I saw myself as a lump of clay on a potter’s wheel, being formed by God’s hands. As God shaped me, I found myself wondering: what was He forming me into?
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This image, God forming me, stuck with me. The process of it. It’s slow work, life long really.
Thinking about the words that I heard about who I’m becoming, I began to look back to where I began and to where I am now. I see actual growth.
From someone who would wait to be invited to someone who regularly gathers neighbors and friends.
From someone who would wait for others to initiate to someone who makes the plans and sends the invites.
From someone who strictly avoids hard conversations to someone who has compassion and curiosity for the other party and the depths of their heart.
From someone who wants to go alone because it feels less messy and guarantees I get all the credit to someone who desires partners and notices and celebrates the gifts of others.
Progress.
I am becoming who God made me to be. There is still growing to be done, but I feel buoyed and encouraged and hopeful to see the work God has already done. The rough edges He’s smoothed, the gentle pressure that has changed my shape, the obvious work of His hands.
I’m feeling peace to be in process, knowing whose hands I’m in.
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At first, I wanted to ask God for both His vision of who I’m becoming AND where I’m headed. I wanted a picture for both who He’s forming me to be AND where to go next.
I get so preoccupied by what I am supposed to do. I get stuck there, wanting to know before I move. Back to Ephesians 2:10, I want to know the “good works” God has prepared for me before I go.
But I’m wondering, maybe we don’t need to know the “good works” at first. Maybe the question is just who am I becoming? Who are you forming me into? And then the action steps flow from that.
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Back to the image of me as a lump of clay on the potter’s wheel that I had years ago. As I imagined it. I hoped that God was forming me into something useful. A plate, perhaps. Maybe a water pitcher. Something with a clear purpose, ready to be used for good works.
Maybe as we see what we are becoming, our purpose and action steps becomes clearer.
If God is forming me into an includer, I notice those who are lonely or disconnected and invite them in.
If God is forming me into a spacemaker, I create spaces, both literal and metaphorical, where people can connect with God and feel loved.
If God is forming me into someone who askes the deeper question and gets beneath the surface, I can listen well and ask the good question and then the one after that.
If God is forming me into someone who notices and leverages the gifts of others, I can celebrate and encourage what I see in others, I can ask for their help, I can work with partners.
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I have to admit, I still want a clearer picture of where I’m headed and what I’m specifically to do. But I’m mostly content, to be a lump of clay in the hands of the Father. I’ve seen how’s he’s shaped me so far, and I trust that He will continue to do so as I let Him.
And with an image of what I’m being formed into, my vision for where I’m headed feels a little bit clearer.
And may you encounter the God who loves you as you make space in your schedule and in your soul.