It can feel like a tricky balance, examining our own hearts.
As we enter into the season of Lent, as we look toward the cross, as we own up to our need for a savior.
Because if we need a savior, it means there’s something we need saving from. And what we need saving from is ourselves. How we’ve chosen ourselves, our way, what we think is best, over God and what He knows is best.
But the tricky part is this. Some of us recognize our sin, our turning from God, our choices that have affected ourselves and others and we shrink in shame. I’m bad. I’ve done too much. I can’t be forgiven. I’m unworthy. And we hide. Being eaten up on the inside.
And others of us think we’re really not so bad. I’m a pretty good person. I’m usually kind. I volunteer sometimes. I give money. And we don’t even see our need for a savior.
It feels like we need a middle way. Honest reflection about the state of our hearts and our choices and disordered loves and bringing them to a God who loves us so much that He was willing to die to save us from them. A God who loves us so much He doesn’t want us to stay bound or oblivious. He wants us free.
I’m thankful that, because of Jesus, we no longer are required to bring a sacrifice to the temple. Something to die in place of me. But I’ve been recognizing that without that practice, we’re missing something. We’re missing the regular rhythm of seeing our need for a savior and receiving grace and love because we have one.
So this month, our practice is confession. Not in the Catholic confessional way (unless that works for you), but between you and God.
I recently heard someone talk about a confession in terms of policework and the law. When a police officer is getting a confession from someone, it’s not an apology. A confession is telling the truth. The person says what they did.
That’s how we’re going to frame our confessions this month. It’s not just telling God sorry (although, please do) but it’s getting really specific about the state of our hearts, the things we’ve done (or didn’t do), the ways we’ve chosen ourself or other things over Him. It’s telling the truth.
And then, it’s receiving forgiveness.
Try these steps:
Get alone and get quiet. Take a few deep breaths and imagine yourself coming into God’s presence.
Ask Him to search your heart. Ask Him to bring to mind anything in you, any choices you’re making or have made, anything you love that is getting in the way of your relationship with Him. Ask Him to bring to mind any choices you’re making that are hurting others. Ask Him to expose your sin. (This can be painful and hard. Imagine Gods loving gaze. That He’s pleased that you’re willing to examine your heart.)
Jot down whatever comes to mind.
Now go through the list item by item. Look God in eye and tell the truth. “God, I did ____, please forgive me.” or “God I’m sorry that I ____.”
Now receive His love and forgiveness. Again, bring to mind His loving gaze and His smile. Receive His words spoken to the woman caught in adultery, “I do not condemn you.”
Try to make this a regular practice. The truth is we are all sinners in need of a savior. I could do this practice at each meal and bedtime and have new things to confess every time. Maybe you too?
The Old Testament sacrifices didn’t really do the saving, they just pointed to the need for a savior. In the same way may the practice of confession remind you of your need for Jesus and the gift of love we received from Him on the cross.
And may you encounter the God who loves you as you make space in your schedule and your soul.