A note to the reader: Each month I share a bit about what God’s doing in my life. This looks like a rambling narrative of where I am with God, what I’m learning, where I’ve encountered Him, what I’m wondering about. The goal isn’t really to “teach” or share a lesson, but to invite you into my process, my relationship with God, to help you know me better and to hopefully help you explore possibilities for your own life with God. Here’s this month’s edition.
A couple of weeks ago, while using the March mini-retreat guide, God gave me a picture of what my posture towards him has been recently.
While reading Daniel 9:3, what caught my attention was “I turned to the Lord God.” I wondered about the meaning of the word “turned” and did a little research on Blue Letter Bible. The translation I found was “I gave my attention to the Lord God.”
And I started to wonder, what am I giving my attention to?
As I wondered about this, a picture came into my mind. Me in my kitchen, making dinner. Listening to a podcast, checking a recipe on my phone, responding to a text, chopping vegetables, stirring a pot, checking my email.
I’m aware that God is in my house, as if he’s the one I’m making dinner for. But I can’t see him in that moment. Maybe he’s upstairs? When I try to talk to him, I must raise my voice to be heard. When he speaks back, I can’t hear him. And even if I could, I’m too distracted to pay close attention.
It’s not that I’m turning my back to him on purpose. I want to hear him, I’m just not looking at him, I’m doing things that distract me from him, and there’s too much noise in my ears to hear him.
This image felt like an invitation. To quiet the noise. To intentionally turn toward him. To listen.
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Looking back, I can see that he was inviting me to this even earlier.
A week or so before God gave me this image, I woke up and practiced “God before phone” like usual. I brought God to mind, I said “good morning” and I asked God, “what do you want me to know about today?” I gave it a little time and when nothing came to mind, I hopped up and began my day.
But I had the thought, I’m not hearing God very well right now. I felt like I used to hear him more clearly and I realized I was missing hearing His voice.
When God gave me the image of me in the kitchen, I realized that maybe I was having trouble hearing his voice because I’m distracted and there’s too much noise in my ears.
I was desiring connection but realizing it was me who was disconnected.
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This invitation to turn back towards God, to quiet the noise, and to listen is what I’ll be focusing on for this season of Lent.
For me, this will look like making space to listen and connect by giving up things that are just creating noise and distraction. And then adding in a few practices to help me turn back toward God.
Disconnecting to reconnect.
Practically, this is my plan:
To disconnect:
No social media, no scrolling headlines, no googling, no double screening.
Use aro (especially in the evenings) to reclaim time spent distracted and to be held accountable to wasted time on the phone.
Work towards two hours (or less) of screentime a day.
No podcasts on drives or shorter runs.
To reconnect:
Morning listening questions. I used to have a daily-ish habit of asking God a specific question each morning and listening. I had a list of questions to choose from, but I also would periodically ask the question: “what questions should I be asking you in this season?” and use the questions that came to mind as my listening questions for the upcoming days. I want to reestablish this rhythm, I think in the morning alongside my existing habit of making a plan for the day. Also, in any other space I’ve carved out quiet (like car rides and runs).
At least three “quiet lunches” a week. No noise or distraction. Just me and God. More space to ask a question and listen.
A Lent reading plan with a focus on being with Jesus as a friend. I’m using this one from Renovare that moves quite slowly walking with Jesus towards His death and resurrection. It allows plenty of time to reread, linger, wonder and imagine. I’m looking forward to being a friend to Jesus in this hard season.
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With hope, I’m imagining a new scene.
Me, still in the kitchen making dinner, but the room is pleasantly quiet. Jesus is seated at the table and we chat while I cook. I look at him and ask a question. He smiles and responds. Then he asks me one in return. I think for a moment while I stir the pot, and then turn back and answer. We smile.
And then we sit down and eat together.
And may you encounter the God who loves you as you make space in your schedule and in your soul.